|
Eva's Story
By Darlene Rich
March 19, 2002
“We were a normal family. Not a perfect family but normal. Now we are dysfunctional.” - Eva Gainer, survivor.
 |
| MADD Durham has marked the site of the crash with a Red Ribbon to remind passersby of the drunk driving tragedy which occurred on Hwy 12 North | On a sunny Sunday afternoon in July 2000, while returning from a weekend spent with friends at the cottage Don, Eva, Bryan Gainer and family friend Cathy Millson, were returning to the city. The older Gainer children Sara and James had spent the weekend with other family members and friends. On a two-lane highway near Sunderland, Ontario, fate was to merge the Gainer family van with Robert Bonefant’s pick-up truck and forever change their lives. But was it fate or the shear lack of a conscientious society to do something about a serious problem?
In the quiet sub-division on a cold February day in 2002, the house appears similar to those around it. But inside lies the memories and pain that make this home unique. Solid-oak French doors, closed as if preserving the contents inside, swing open as I step into ‘the memory room’. Here- time stands still. Sunlight cutting through the window illuminating the memorabilia creates a seemingly divine natural light and gives off an almost monolithic aura. Pictures, trophies, awards and trinkets of two victims fill the room with happy but sad memories.
This is the home of Eva Gainer, and her teenage children Sara and James. It was once a home where Eva’s husband Don and their son Bryan lived. But Don and Bryan don’t live here anymore, as a matter of fact; they don’t live at all- not in the bodily sense. In this house Don Gainer will always be 49 years old and Bryan will always be 11. Robert Bonefant made that decision one-day, a decision that wasn’t his to make, and shattered the lives of many people.
Eva remembers nothing that took place on the highway at the crash site only of passing through Orillia moments earlier. She first regains consciousness at St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto, where she had been airlifted from the Port Perry local hospital. It is here where Eva’s sisters attempt, through shock and disbelief, to explain that her husband of 19 years and youngest child did not survive. Through her overpowering grief would she now have the strength to survive her own injuries? And if she did have that strength would she want to?
The Oxford dictionary defines ‘accident’ as 1. an unpleasant incident that happens unexpectedly, 2. an incident that happens by chance.
Two decent, honest, loving people are dead by no fault of their own, yes that is unpleasant. The ‘accident’ took place unexpectedly but was it by chance? The misuse of the word accident is blatant here. It was not by chance, it was preventable, and several people tried to no avail. Robert Bonefant had his drivers license revoked on Friday the 21 of July, two days earlier, that didn’t seem to prevent disaster either.
A friend of Bonefant’s, Catherine Caines, made not one but two 911 calls prior to the crash, to the Durham Regional Police. It was not placed as a priority call. A man, severely intoxicated, was about to drive from Oshawa to Sault Ste. Maire, Ontario. Sure. Doesn’t sound like a priority to me either.
The Gainer family has a civil suit pending and hopes to see changes made to emergency calls involving impaired driving.
Eva would spend six weeks in hospital and was not capable of attending the funerals of her husband and baby child. Family members would video tape it for her, care for Sara and James, make funeral arrangements, as well as look after Eva and her personal affairs. It was a long road back to what would be the ‘new normal’ life she and her surviving children would live.
Many people ask her if she is angry, “grief overshadows any anger I may have, the pain I live with is far too strong.” Instead Eva prefers to remember her husband, her life partner and all that he meant to her. The plans they had as they approached the years when most married couples start to re-connect after surviving the ‘baby’ days. What they planned for their retirement, things they wanted to still experience together. “Don is not here to help me make decisions I know he would have made.” Don was a teacher, a scout leader, coach, basketball and ball hockey player. He loved reading mystery novels, enjoyed skiing, camping, gardening and fixing up old cars. He was a good son, devoted husband and a good father. Don believed in God.
“It’s hard to grieve equally for both of them at the same time. Sometimes I think I am grieving too much for Bryan and other times for Don.” Bryan was an easy-going child with a comedian-like attitude and liked to imitate voices. Not being a strong academic achiever he more than made up for that with his athletic abilities. He was a tiny-but-mighty player in both hockey and soccer and was going to start dirt biking with his older brother James. With his friends he enjoyed simple things like playing Nintendo, swimming, fishing and camping.
Bryan’s classmates will be entering an exciting moment this fall as they begin high school - he didn’t get to turn 12.
Cathy Millson suffers from partial paralysis since the tragedy and can’t work or drive any longer. Before this happened she was about to take care of her parents as they entered the golden years. Now they take care of her. Funny isn’t it how we think we are in control of our own lives?
Sara and James lost their father and baby brother at a time when most kids worry about who they are going to date. As this writer knows too well, grief is a funny thing. It leaves you angry, sad, confused, and feeling ripped off. Sara won’t have her father walk her down the aisle when she gets married. James won’t have a father to go to for manly advice. Both will always wonder what, if given the opportunity, Bryan would have become. And all this WAS preventable, avoidable and needn’t to have happened, it was NOT an accident. Not by Oxford’s definition anyway.
As for Robert Bonefont he met with the ultimate judge that day in July. One who did more than take his driver’s licence away and made him pay what he owed.
The ‘new normal’ life for the Gainers will go on, as it must. But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out it will never be the same. This is NOT what they had planned, anymore than it is in your life plan.
Tell me now, you didn’t think once,…..Thank God it wasn’t me.
“You think the worst is that they are dead then you learn they stay dead.” - Eva Gainer.
|
You may offer comments and give a rating for this web page :
click here
|
|
|
